No news – what else is new?

I arrived at Dr L’s expecting news. Turns out the biopsy slides had gone missing. Dr. L ferreted them out, but the pathologist had gone home for the day, so they will be read in the morning.

No news is no problem, for me, anyway. The only aspect of treatment impacted if the lymph nodes test positive is the area of radiation. Dr. H. will have to tweak his plans for where the radiation is aimed, which we hope he will have time to do and still allow  treatments to begin on July 5. We can pray that the logistics work out – or better – that the lymph nodes test negative.

I had fun with the baseball boys and their families, and came home – to find the internet giving me grief. Have it sorted out now, but I’m out of energy for sharing anything more. I wants ma bed. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. God is good. G'nite, all.

Bumps and Stones

It’s annoying. I don’t like having these bits of extra issues rolling around. Sigh. Lets get over this one together, blog readers. What it is is already determined. None of our precious opinions carry any weight at all. End of discussion. Reflect on how silly we are. Smile. (A touch of wryness is permissible.) Pump a little happy juice. Wry happy juice is still happy juice. I think.

Stones

Gall bladder got ultrasounded. Guess what. The ‘junk’ turns out to be good sized stones. Not that there’s any treatment called for. My gall bladder feels fine to me, and that, at least, seems to be the governing factor in the fate of the poor organ. But I will try to be extra nice to it. A low fat diet is helpful, and although I generally eat that way, I hope to do less cheating.

Bumps

Two enlarged lymph nodes in my groin. These were needle biopsied by Dr A in his office yesterday. Results will be available tomorrow.

Revisit blog post of June 21

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27

Don’t!

Don’t go there.

We worry when we can't see ahead as clearly as we want to.

If we don't know what it is, why on earth do we spend precious mental energy wondering about it?

Just don’t go there!

It will be revealed when its time has come. Or not.

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:6

I am grateful for the prayers of God’s people. Here’s some evidence that your prayers are bearing fruit: I was remarkably relaxed through the procedures yesterday. During the gall bladder ultrasound I was asked to breathe deeply, hold, and exhale repeatedly. I'm thinking, 'My goodness, there's something to this deep breathing." When asked to turn onto my side I felt so peaceful and comfortable that I could have had a nice nap on the spot. Procedure over. Too bad.

Later, at Dr A’s office, waiting for the groin exam, my blood pressure was 100/80! It hasn’t registered that low in 10 or 20 years. Thanks, all!

Look for a post tomorrow – probably late, and short. I have a barbeque dinner date with a baseball team.

Finally, a little more of the Word of God  -

2 Samuel 22:29-34

You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. 

Tributes

These are my Trailblazers. Not the Portland basketball Trailblazers. These Trailblazers have led the way for me by living brilliant lives to the end - the very end. It has been my privilege to walk beside each one for a little bit along their way.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 

Hebrews 12:1

Patti

I was in the final stages of healing from breast cancer surgery when my friend Patti called one dark and wet January evening with the devastating news that she had just been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. We had just spent the weekend as roommates over at the coast at the annual retreat for the women of our church. She was in pain and couldn’t sleep. I kept her entertained with stories – they amounted to a stand-up comic routine, but I can’t remember any of them now for the life of me - about having cancer and going through diagnostic procedures and surgery. I especially shared how I often would feel unusually peaceful and confident, attributing these feelings to the prayers of God’s people.

The year that followed was not easy for Patti and her family. Treatments were a struggle. She had to let go of her job at which she excelled and was making an impact. Her boys were teenagers. Her husband, some months later was diagnosed with cancer as well and he struggled with recovery from surgery while she struggled with chemotherapy side effects and fading energy.

During that year it was my privilege to organize “Patti’s List” and send out regular updates by e-mail. Exactly the thing I am now doing with this blog. People prayed and Patti battled, until, not quite a year after she was diagnosed, at home, surrounded by family and a few friends, Patti moved on to heaven, where Jesus would welcome her into the place He had prepared for her, just as He has promised for all who believe on His Name.

Patti was forty-six years old when her life here ended. Her family and friends still grieve, and, to a certain extent always will. But to have been so close to her for that year is an experience I will treasure forever. I can only thank God repeatedly for putting me near her, for allowing me to serve her and see first hand how He showered Patti with mercy and grace throughout her time of suffering.

And you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

2 Peter 1:11

Amy

Amy and I went back pretty far. We studied Kung Fu together. We were seekers together and accepted the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ within months of one another. Amy was always a healthy, high energy, athletic woman who took very good care of her self. At forty-eight she was fully engaged in raising four children, home schooling them, and maintaining a small zoo of animals and a large garden.

So how could it be that this vital woman should be hit with thyroid cancer?

But that’s what happened. While I was busy wondering how I could get cancer twice when I was doing everything pretty much ‘right’, Amy, who was doing it all much ‘righter’ than I was, was being hit earlier in her life, and harder – to the point of death. Again, just as with Patti, only her body was to die. Amy is also in the place Jesus has prepared for her. That faith, and that hope, carried Amy and her husband and her four children (aged 12 to 18) through a long valley – an abyss even – and has given them the strength to continue.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

They will run and not grow weary,

They will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Preston

Amazing youth pastor. Amazing Bible scholar. Brilliant mind. Insane sense of humor. Young husband and father. Wise beyond his years. Destined, it seemed, for a life of major impact for our Lord.

I would not have known him but for the fact that he and his wife lived in the area encompassed by our church ‘Care Group’ loosely made up of people living near to one another.

Preston was twenty-four, married to the amazing Tara, father of dear Jacob and little Micah, only in his eighth week of gestation when . . .

The family was driving north on I-5 in central Washington when they came upon an accident. Someone had hit an elk. They stopped, and as Tara tells it, Preston promptly got out, desiring to lend aid where he could. He was calling 911 from his mobile when he was hit by another vehicle – the driver tried to avoid the wreck, but did not see Preston . . . Just like that, in Tara’s arms, he was taken up, in a wave of peace, yet leaving behind earthly devastation.

Tara’s was the first blog I ever read. She’s a gifted writer and I have put a link to her blog on this one. Just click on the "taranator" link. She has openly and beautifully shared, in profound depth and detail, her journey since that night in September 2008. I cannot recommend this journal too highly. You will weep. You will laugh. You will be challenged in your belief, and you will learn through Tara how God brings freshening and hope out of ruin.

Preston stood with Paul, who, in his letter to the Philippians (Chapter 1, verse 21) said, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Even now, Preston's life continues to impact people in ways none of us could have imagined.

These are my trailblazers. In truth we need but one, Jesus Christ. God has given me these three - just to be sure I get it? I don’t know about that, but I do know I am grateful for having known these remarkable people in life and in death, and for a loving God who generously gives us more than we need!

Treatment Plans

Good news! 

The state of my body is pretty much sorted out and plans are in place.

I am feeling so relieved and relaxed that it’s been a challenge to get the plan written up for all you blog followers to see.

Radiation:

This coming week preparations for the radiation treatments to the tumor will continue. Some take place ‘behind the scenes’, others require my presence, with the end goal being that radiation is directed precisely at the area of the tumor.

The actual sessions to zap the tumor will begin July 5 and will take place Monday through Friday, probably at around 3:30 to 4pm in the afternoon, for about six weeks and change. I forgot to ask how many of them they want to do. I believe it’s 30 to 35. If all goes well, I will be done in the middle of August. Done with treatments, but facing a couple of weeks of healing to the radiated area. Think mega sunburn to tender area.

I am grateful that I enjoy hanging out on my couch and that my cat has an endless appetite for my lap. I am also grateful that I tolerate pain pretty well – especially when I know it will eventually be gone.

Chemotherapy:

Well, I don’t get to skate by chemo this time. I understand that it is because this tumor is two cm. in size. One cm. – no chemo. Two cm. – chemo. Oh well. The thing is still considered ‘small’ by all who speak of it, and – best news! – I won’t be throwing up and/or losing my hair! Research has found that chemo used in conjunction with the radiation gives a greater degree of  success in eradicating all the cancer cells. It is particularly designed to eradicate any stray cancer cells that might released into the rest of my body as the radiation disintegrates and destroys the tumor.

There will be two chemo treatments, one on the first day of radiation and the second four weeks later. I get a 10-minute drip, and then I will wear a little pump with, I guess, a little reservoir of chemo cocktail that will slowly go into me over five days. It’s all contained in a little fanny pack thing.

Prognosis: 90% cure rate. The docs and I think my odds are even better than that because I am officially declared to be ‘healthy as a horse.’

Prayer warriors: I would ask that you join me in praising our God for his mercy! I will write more on how I believe I needed this kick in the _ _ _. That it is only gentle boot is such a blessing.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!

How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!

Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?

Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?

For from him and through him and to him are all things.

To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Romans 11:33-36
I would recommend also Isaiah Chapter 40 - all of it!

Amazing Birthday!

The day began bright and early with visit to Dr H, Radiation Oncologist, the latest addition to my growing medical team.

Well, radiation treatment won’t exactly be pretty, but it’s do-able.

All I have to do is think briefly about just about anyone else my age, and many who are younger, and the treatment/side effects look like a cakewalk.

Yeah, now about age. Nah. Forget it, but the celebrations were a hoot!

Went to work after seeing Dr. H and found my office done up in pink streamers!

Enjoyed a pizza party with the marketing crew. The cats were away. We were the mice, having a bit of playtime.

Somehow multitudes of facebook friends staged a convergence. I have never had so many birthday wishes!

Then my All Star showed up with his mom. Best present: Big All Star hug. Mom brought a bag filled with Starbucks goodies.

Took in a bit of All Star ball practice after work. Then home – and decided to answer every one of the fb friends’ birthday wishes. That was a good thing. I have a big smiley face on now.

I will be sleep deprived if I give this any more time, but I did want to get a real time capture of my birthday moments! All in all, one of my better ones.

So with thanks to all friends, and with gratitude in my heart to God I will say, ‘good night’.

Y'all don't be worryin' 'bout me, now . .

There are more tests to be done on me in order to gather all the information the docs need to put the best treatment plan in place. I will probably find out what that entails sometime late next week.

So – meanwhile, my friends -
[I'm afraid the following will sound like hopeless Pollyanna claptrap to you who do not believe that the God of the Bible is the true, living God, but, here we go - ]

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27

Don’t!

Don’t go there.

We worry when we can't see ahead as clearly as we want to.

If we don't know what it is, why on earth do we spend precious mental energy wondering about it?

Just don’t go there!

It will be revealed when its time has come. Or not.

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:6

Capture your thoughts. Don’t let them go to worry.

God has our back.

He may not take us where we want to go, but he takes us to where he can use us, and to where we can learn more of Him and His ways, and to where we can grow strong and wise and serve Him most effectively.

With experience, we find that this is true. He’s done it for us before.

He is faithful. He is doing it for us this time too.

To worry is to tell God you don’t trust him.

Yet our human nature persists in doing it.

Smile. Yep, crack that smile and see what positive thoughts bubble up to wipe out the worry.

…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Worry.

Don’t go there.

The Gift of Blog?

The Bible tells us that God has given us gifts.

In Romans, chapter 12, verses 6-8 we read, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is . . . serving, let him serve, if it is teaching, let him teach, if it is encouraging let him encourage . . .”

 A pastor gave some ideas about how we can tell what gifts we have been given.

He suggests we ask ourselves the following questions:

• Is the activity in question something you feel compelled to do – drawn to – and is it something you really like doing?

• Have others told you they think that you are good at it?

• Have there been good results (fruit) from you doing this activity?

So?! Have I been given a gift for blogging??

• I am excited to do it.

• People have liked the e-mails that form the beginning of the blog.

• People report that these same e-mails encourage and inspire them.

So it appears that yes, I must blog!

And so I will blog, with gratitude in my heart to God.

And have fun!

Smile.

Each one should use whatever gift he has received  to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 2 Peter 4:10

Back Story

For this latest skirmish, we go back about a year. Without going into detail, suffice it to say my guts weren’t behaving well. Spent some months just waiting for the whole issue to go away. In November I went on the internet and implemented suggestions I found there about modifications to my diet. The modifications helped, but they did not cure. After some months, I tried stricter modifications. Again, I got improvement, but no cure. I fought going to a doctor because I did not want to bounce around the medical system while various docs tried to determine what was going on.

On the morning of May 25 I was having a quiet prayer time, and the issue of my misbehaving gut bubbled into the front of my thoughts. I half expected the wrath of my Lord to descend and tell me in no uncertain terms, “You fool! Get your body to a doctor!!!” What I got instead was an overarching sense of peace about going to the doctor. I called my primary Doc, Dr. S, and quickly had an appointment for the next day.

The visit with Dr. S, lead to a referral to a GI doc, Dr. D. Dr. D ordered up a colonoscopy, scheduled for Monday, June 6.

At the colonoscopy, tissue was taken and biopsied. On Thursday, June 9 I heard from Dr. D. He reported that there is a tumor and the tumor has cancer.

At this point I began emailing select people: My church small neighborhood care group. My kids. Select colleagues at work. These Early Emails have been copied and posted on this blog, serving as the beginning of the more immediate narrative.

Early emails to friends

Fri, Jun 10, 2011 at 6:54 AM

This was sent to my church care group,  a small, no more than a dozen families, who live near one another.

Thank you all for your prayer cover for my current situation.
Colonoscopy/Biopsy revealed a rectal mass (small) that is cancerous.
There will be surgery - appointment with surgeon is Monday. It will be the same man who did my breast surgery. I really enjoy him - Dr A. When I see him I will learn more about the extent of the surgery (remember to praise God that this thing is small!) and will set a date for it.
Tuesday I get a scan to make sure cancer has not migrated to lungs/liver, which is where this kind tends to go next.
Keep praying for Dr C and family (wife/daughter) - the anesthesiologist at the c-oscopy who is thinking of coming to Lake.
Huge praise to God for my mental state. I'm a bit jumpy and my b/p is up, and I tripped on the stairs and wrenched my foot yesterday (urgent care provided an orthopedic shoe, crutches and ibuprofen), but I'm sleeping well, loving my God and confident that I'm in His hands and His plan is in place and will be revealed, each part in its time, same as always. Pray that it all is used for His glory!
K and his baseball team are doing great. Last night all the boys played well again and they won their semi final game. I got a kick out of making my grand entrance with crutches and clunky shoe! The big final is set for Saturday evening - playing for nothing more than bragging rights - at A-field main. Then comes post season. I am praying for K. The all star team is chosen. It would be great if he makes it, and hard for him to swallow if he doesn't, so I'm praying he can see God's hand on the decision and that he will recognize a gift from the Holy Spirit of humility and/or peace about which ever decision comes - on Monday or Tuesday.
See y'all Sunday in church - that is who ever of you God puts in my path! (Looks like I will be rid of the crutches by then, but may still have the shoe.)
Wishing everyone a great day in Him - Molly

Monday evening, June 13, 2011

Saw Dr. A, Surgeon, earlier today.

He thinks that I will probably not have surgery. Because of where the tumor is and the kind of cancer it is, it is better dealt with by a combination of chemo and radiation. He added that these things ‘melt away’ from chemo and radiation.

The specifics of treatment will be determined based on what is revealed by the CT scan I get tomorrow, and an ultra sound to be scheduled soon.

Doc A says he will talk to me about what is seen on the CT scan tomorrow afternoon.

It might be that I will end up with surgery if the tumor is sitting on the surface, but he thinks that is not very likely. The ultrasound gives the best read on that aspect.

Finally, my GP, Doc S, had all my blood work done last week at my annual exam and Doc A had the results. He said, ‘Aside from this thing you are healthy as a horse.”

So there you have it. The report for today.

There should be another tomorrow, around the same time, maybe later.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

No news. Some wires must have crossed somewhere. Stay tuned, will post news when I get it. Also, I have no news yet about K's post season baseball team assignment.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Again, no news from any Docs. Hopefully that means good news.

However! Cancer issues are totally trumped by K making his little league all star team. 

When I read the text message, "K is an all-star!" wonderful shivers started running up and down my spine - even my whole body. My b/p was up. My tummy was jumping. It seems that anxiety and excitement feel very similar physically.They both can be tiring as well.

I am very grateful to be tired from excitement today!

And if I am to be doing chemo/radiation I will have as many as two months of baseball to distract me. Better than that, to get me excited!

Praise God yet again for brilliant timing!

Me to my friend S: She had asked if they played at a ball field near her house.

Yes! All his games in July will be there! We were there on Saturday playing for the spring ball championship, which his spring ball team won. The all star team is the top players from six teams. I've been driving by your house quite a bit lately, and always send blessings. T and L can see the field from their house, so I'm always thinking of them during the games we play there. It's a terrific facility.
If you're still around on July 10 you should come to a game. I think these boys are going to be a very good team. They're really nice kids too. As I said, I am so tickled with the timing of all this excitement that has put cancer on a back burner in my brain! I mean, I am sitting here writing this with a smiley face on! All together miraculous! Or extreme denial? No matter, I'm just plain pleased, and GRATEFUL!
And, speaking of cancer, How is J doing? I've been praying - more than usual, and mostly for others - there are so many folks who are in way more difficult circumstances than I am, and June is among them.

S back to me:

You mentioned denial - and I want you to know that even if it is denial, I think it is a great thing... Really with J’s diagnosis I for a long while could not tell if she was just super optimistic or in denial, but either way it allowed her to go on rejoicing and enjoying her day to day life. And she continues to do well. Her cough is improving and I have even noticed she doesn't have to clear her throat nearly as often when she talks. They are down in California right now where H's grandpa will be buried, but the good part is that most of J’s family lives there so it should be a good visit.

And me back to S:

That is great news about J! My docs are already complementing me on my attitude - at the visit I had yesterday with primary doc S all I could talk about was baseball, and Sam,Taylor and kids (including Eliza who is 2 days younger than Maggie!) in Nepal, while the Doc was sharing about summiting Kilimanjaro. And a lot of laughs. A God given attitude, and a thought that says, 'I'm going to have fun with this', It amazes me. Even our thoughts originate with God, our job is to say yes, and S----. can stick some crummy ones in there - but, praise God, I haven't had much of a war on that front!!
It would have been so fun for you to join us at a game. Will keep you posted on their schedule, just in case you are visiting. If they win District they will be playing at Bend in the State tournament, in later July, in case you're planning a road trip to Bend - lol.
Life is good. I am so rejoicing about J's improvement, and it spurs me on to work hardest on keeping my attitude positive - even above what I eat (lol).
Every day verses jump out at me - God's word has a message wherever you look in it! So I haven't recorded any, although every day I go 'That is so great - must copy that one out!' Right now I have, This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it. Verse of the hour, so to speak!
Love to you all - In Christ - ONWARD!!

Evening: Went out to the ball field to give congratulatory hugs and stayed to sit in on a parents' meeting.These boys are going to be practicing every day for around three hours. They will be given intense training in baseball skills by all sorts of visiting friends alumni of the league. The coaches emphasized to the parents the importance of keeping positive. They said that a grumbling parent can bring down the whole team.

My take-away - Smile and trust the coaches. Smile and trust the docs. Smile and trust God. Smile.and make happy juice. Smile.

 The Team!

 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

No news is good news?

Busied myself making internal ‘happy juice.’ Just thinking about that baseball team getting together last night, listening intently as the coaches laid out the plans and schedules, makes me smile and sends a rush of the happy juice out to all body parts!

 Which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27

Here's another amazing thing from our Lord: Just before this cancer thing came down I began to implement my 'semi retirement' plan, and hired a new assistant/eventual replacement, toward the end that I would become the part-time assistant, phasing this in over 18 months. That has been my plan for some time - finally it was time to get going on it. Care group prayed with me and in no time a perfect assistant/replacement was found - guess who!! L! (she attended the church where I attend.) Her plans to phase into the workforce mesh perfectly with my plans to phase out, but she is willing to accelerate her plans I find I must accelerate mine. God be praised yet one more time again without ceasing!!

F (daughter, K's mom) and I had a great date nite! Love our F!! Went to dinner theater - saw Yeoman of the Guard, a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. John Vergin gave us a wonderful performance in the role of Jack Point, sad, inept, struggling and ultimately fatally heartbroken jester. My heart broke again for him and his lost love, as it has in years past. But this time I could share with F about filling that hole - that 'God-shaped" hole with knowledge and love for Him.

K is no longer a student. He is a ball player. We kept thinking of him practicing while we had dinner, and went to the show - at intermission he would have been still at it - practicing hard 'til dark! Jen says he admitted to feeling a bit intimidated, but I believe he will dig down to new levels of determination.

This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Friday, June 17, 2011 - News

Received news from Dr. A. Scan shows cancer is confined to the area of the tumor. Not in lungs. Not in liver. He did report that there is ‘a lot of junk in my gallbladder’. (You gotta love this doc.) so I am to get an ultrasound of that, as well as a different ultrasound procedure on the tumor.

Later had a vision of 'a lot of junk in my gallbladder'. A x-ray like picture showing stuff like nuts, bolts, coils, old tires, flat soccer balls, a bent egg beater, etc . .  and there I am - having a lol (lol = text speak for laugh out loud) moment. More happy juice getting dumped onto the tumor. Yay.

Love your enemy.  

Do not be overcome by evil, but over come evil with good. Romans 12:21

Overcome cancer with happy juice. Yes!

Today there are plenty of reasons to smile and keep on generating ‘happy juice’ aka endorphins, to boost the effects of the arsenal of cancer fighting tools the docs expect to unleash on the tumor after all the imaging and diagnostics are completed.

While walking this morning - it was a rare sunny one - I was motoring along, thinking my thoughts andplanning my plans, when I came to the top of a hill and there were the lovely green trees and beautiful blue sky. I'm thinking, how lovely, I am so grateful for this, and I felt a prompting:, "smile." Oh? OK. I can do that . . Well, I discovered that simply cracking a smile releases endorphins - I could feel them coursing through my body. Then the positive thoughts flow more freely. 

Our minds and bodies – connected, by God’s perfect design, created for His good pleasure. Praise His name forever.

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10