Another Test, Another Good Result!

This is cancer's legacy after it's gone: checkups, procedures and tests.
A good thing, yes. We do want to find any unwelcome evidence as soon as medically possible.

This time it was a scan. No problem, except for the *%! dye I had to drink.
My poor gut did not like that dye. After the scan was over I got to endure half a day of excessively frequent trips to the bathroom, which wrung me out in a way that reminded me of last August when I ran out of electrolytes. Spent two unexpected days on the couch, which pleased the cat, anyway.

I was surprised by the reaction - I had the same dye and the same scan before I started treatments, and it did not affect me that way. Leads me to greater feelings of gratitude for feeling 100% again. Feeling 100% even though some areas are still a little whacked out and hypersensitive.

Feeling 100% and showing "perfect." (Dr H's word) on all of the recent round of scopes, scans and exams:
BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME for all this.
Did I do anything special to deserve this outcome?
Nope.
God let the cancer in.
God let the treatments eradicate it (yippee!), while giving me strength (at one point, barely!) to endure them.
God, who gave me great health to begin with, has now restored it.
For a season. A long season, or a short one, I am no more or less grateful.

Let them praise your great and awesome name - he is holy.

Psalm 99:3

There are no more tests scheduled for awhile. Until June, anyway. Colonoscopy then. Will plan for some extra couch time, just in case.

For my praying friends: Thank you so very much for your faithful prayers! Continue, please, to thank God for such an awesome healing (from the cancer and the treatments!), and for revealing His power and love through me. Please pray with me that He will continue to use me each day for His glory, and that I will get out of His way and let Him execute His agenda, rather than me executing mine. You can pray that the cancer stays away if you want, but that is not a priority to me. It is big on my agenda for sure, but if God's agenda is different, that is OK. I know His agenda is the one I want governing my life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear (reverentially submit to) the Lord and shun evil.
Proverbs 3:5-7

For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

1 John 3:20

Checkups, Procedures, Results, Oh My

Well! I'm just about off to Women's' Retreat and thought I should let you all know that I am thriving.

Two weeks ago I had two checkups and a procedure.
Dr L, Hematology Oncologist, reports I am fine.
Blood work shows blood is back to normal.
Bone density scan shows bones are still great.
Dr H, Radiation Oncologist, reports I am fine. Healing very well.

This week Dr. D, GI doc, performed a 'flex sig'. I call it 'colonoscopy ez'.
Prep was easier, and there was no anesthesia.
There was pain - brief but nasty. As intense as hard labor, but only about three short hits of it. I only hope I didn't disturb the neighbors - I yelled some, and growled.
But it was definitely worth the pain to not have to be knocked out.
The little camera showed minor radiation damage - I could see little red spidery arteries - but Doc. saw NOTHING that looked like it could be cancer.

So!! I am officially well, with no cancer discernible by man and his technology, and  only minor damage from the Summer of Nasty Treatments.
AND! I feel great! Almost back in as good shape as I was when treatments began. Strength and endurance are 100%, but I'm still lacking a bit in the flexibility department.
Now, about those 10 pounds . . . back to fighting the old, long standing fight, sigh.
And the hair situation. So painfully slow. Sigh.

Enough! I'm outta here. Off to the beach!

Praise God, from Whom ALL blessings flow!
(and un-blessings too, but that's another subject!)

Six Months

Thanksgiving came, and went. I was deeply thankful. I blogged in my mind, but I never actually wrote.
Christmas came and went. I thought of how grateful I am for all of you who followed this blog and prayed and sent good wishes, but I never wrote.
The New Year came, bringing another chance to reflect, but all reflecting remained trapped in my head.

Now - I have been given yet another occasion for looking back - and I will write.
Six months ago today I was hooked up to the portable chemo drip and had my first radiation treatment.
The beginning of the great take-down.
Exactly two months after they began, treatments ceased, marking the beginning of the great healing.
After four months of healing I believe I am 95% done.
Just a bit of itchy type discomfort in the immediate area of where the tumor was.
I can sit for as long as I want on the hardest of chairs.
I can work at my desk at my office for as long as I need to.
I can walk as far and as fast as I was walking six months ago.
Stretching needs work! But, actually I am returning to my previous level of flexibility at a very gratifying rate.
So! Restoration is accomplished! Praise God!

The Lord allowed a cancer to begin growing in my body.
He provided people with knowledge find it and treat it.
And He has healed me from the damage the treatments did - as only He can.
Whether we have a little scratch from playing too roughly with the cat, or we're flattened by a disease, or by treatments, it is only God who heals. By His hand our cells regenerate. To me this is an Amazing Miracle. I am in awe of His power. I am in awe of His love. I am in awe of the healing that has occurred in my body.

Your ways, O God, are holy. 

What god is so great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

You display your power among the peoples.

Psalm 77:13-14

Onward - in Christ - into the New Year - and beyond.

The Hair Report:

At this point I have decent amount of short scruffy looking post-chemo hair.

In my opinion it is not in the least bit fit for public display.

I am enjoying collecting hats.

A Great Message

Yes, I know, again - it's about time . . .
A friend forwarded the following youtube clip earlier today. I just watched it. I find myself feeling that it is imperative that I forward it - and through the blog!
The link came with this message:

    *It is about a pilot that was supposed to be on American Airlines
    flight 11 the morning of 9/11. If you remember, Flight 11 was the
    first Boeing 767 to fly into the World Trade Center. In the beginning 
    it sounds as if it will be another heart rending story about 9/11 
    or a video centered around the airline industry. It takes a turn 
    half way through the video and oh, what a turn it takes. 

It will take about 15 minutes of your time, but to me it is time well spent.

Here is the link:

"In My Seat": http://www.youtube.com/user/peterscheibner#p/a/u/0/cLj4akmncsA

It's a great message, and gave me quite a kick in the butt. (Butt can take it now, it is only moderately sore.)
If you have ever wondered, 'why am I still here while others are not', this message is for you. And if you've never wondered . . well, it's for you too.

And, here I am, just fine. Nearly back to 100%.

I hope what I write next in no way dishonors or devalues the 'In My Seat' message. It's as trivial as it gets, but here goes -

All I want for Christmas is lots of growing hair. I still have only fuzz. I am suppressing the urge to call it pathetic. I am grateful for it. It is hair, of a sort, and it is growing, kind of. I am praying that someday it will amount to something . . .

s - l - o - w going, and a challenge -

Sigh.
Yeah, guys, I shouldda blogged way sooner than now.
I shouldda blogged on a GOOD day.
There have been those. Even though I still am sore, and itch and have only thin fuzz on my head and unreliable energy levels, there have been good days with friends and family, gatherings and outings, and working. Work is mostly at home on the couch, but it has been very satisfying to be productive in that area again.

But today, right in the midst of a happy day with my daughter visiting from England, I received a call from the disability people. They are reducing my disability payment by the amount of social security benefits I am eligible for, even though I have chosen not to receive them until the payment reaches maximum. This means two thirds of the disability payment I was first told I would get is gone - a shock to my short term financial planning and requiring major recalculations in my long term planning. Grrr.
I didn't think circumstances could rock me this bad.
Awwww - I'll get over it, but, dang, I'm upset over this low blow.

OK. It is GOD is who meets my needs. Not disability payments. Or Social Security payments. Or paychecks, even. By His hand these things happen. Or not. He meets my needs. He will give me the ideas for how to adjust financially. There are various options. I need to pray.
Please pray that I am sensitive to God's voice. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment. That His will be done.

There. I feel better already. With God's direction this situation will sort out, just as others before it have, and I can really only feel grateful that I know my God and that He cares for me. Over and over again He proves it. Constantly, He cares.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Psalm 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you.

Nahum 1:7

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him. 

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Awesome

Yes, I haven't blogged in awhile because of -

A sorry state of affairs:
Couldn't think of anything worth blogging about.
Last week I tried going to work 4 hours a day. The experiment failed. The stress on my wounded body built up each day, and suddenly I could not bear the thought of sitting at my desk for one more minute . . .
And healing just seemed to be stalled out.
Got in a funk. Didn't want to talk to God or read His Word.
Just wanted to zone out with video games.
And feel guilty.

Redemption.
Then - news!
My disability claim is approved.
I am under no obligation to work any hours at all, although I will still work, taking care of the tasks that I have not taught anyone else to do.
AND my amazing assistant/job sharer/replacement is willing to continue on at 40 hours/week.
Suddenly my spirit is light and I am joyfully praising my God again.
He has sent me a huge blessing right in the middle of my funk.
I was feeling guilty before, now I feel compelled!
Compelled to worship. Compelled to thank. Compelled to honor my God.

Psalm 103:8-12
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Hair Thoughts

Matthew records in his book that Jesus said,
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father, and even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."
Matthew 10:29-31

And Luke records these words from Jesus
All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life.
Luke 21:17-19

I have always loved these 'hairs on your head' verses. These words tell us how total and complete God's love for us is, and that we can trust him in the huge and the trivial alike.

Today, the trivial is about hair. It is still coming out. But I still have enough to peek out from under my hat. I have felt for a month that I don't have any more to loose. But there it still is. God is faithfully giving me my wish to not have to be totally bald under my hat. And there are not very many hairs for Him to keep track of. (Although we know that that is not really an issue for God, I just could not resist being silly here.) I give thanks for every remaining hair.

Now, for the huge! Go visit my friend Tara's blog. (you can click on 'Taranator' right here on my blog!) For sure do this if you know Tara!! You will be inspired. You will be happy. You will want to praise our great God.

It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp. For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. How great are your works, O LORD, how profound your thoughts! 
Psalm 92:1-5